My biggest fear

November 19, 2015


To never feel satisfaction.



I have been struggling my whole life (well since the age of 15 approximately) to reach new goals, explore new things, become better in more fields, get new exciting experiences.


I once decided to make as much out of my life as possible and somewhere on my constant search of adrenaline, I stopped for one second and asked myself why?! Why this eternal need of seeing new things, traveling to new countries, more inputs, more experiences, more more more. I am not old and I have not experienced one tenth of what other people have seen and done but from my perspective I have been constantly running my whole grown up life (whatever level of grown up a 26 year old is).


This hit me like a flash and since that day or week or whatever occasion it was when the Thought struck me, I have changed my view of what I want my life to be like. I don't want to live a life of eternal running and chasing something else. I seriously don't even have anything to run away from. I have the most schoolbook-example, perfect background with amazing parents, a childhood full of friends and safety and complete economic stability. Different from many of my old friends/acquaintances I have never complained about my super tiny, ’boring’ hometown where nothing exciting ever happens and the 2 clothing stores are closed on Sundays. No, I never disliked anything about it, rather the opposite, I always talk good about this ’boring’ place. It is lovely and beautiful and idyllic and I can completely see my own children growing up there one day.


The conclusion of these philosophic last couple of months of my life is that I have decided to take a turn. From now on there will be no further struggles in the search of feeling whole. Im going to dig myself into my life as it looks like right now and I'm going to do it good. Wish me good luck, Im struggling everyday to keep this up. 



Anyone else feeling the same way?


 My gorgeous man in our beautiful apartment. What more do I need?



My first home, this 'boring' and tiny but completely amazing place.


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